I doubt this is what the brains behind the "How I...." contest had in mind when they came up with the idea, but play along with me here....

I started my Christmas shopping back in June when I spied something I knew my husband would just love. Without going into too much detail (since I know he keeps abreast of developments on the homefront by reading this blog), I promptly bought the item in question and told Mini Me not to spill the beans. That I know of, it still remains a secret.

Then, about two months ago, my sister called to say the Discovery store was going out of business, so I rushed right over and bought the three pesky teen-age nephews who we rarely see and barely know a gift. Yes, ONE gift for all three of them. It's a game that they can all play together and I got it for $20, which was 75 percent off the original price. They need to do something as a family that doesn't involve spending time in family court or vegging in front of the TV.

As for the other nephew (half brother to the above-mentioned hooligans who also happens to be someone we rarely see and thus barely know), next week is the school book fair so I plan on getting him something there. (Perhaps a book on how to survive a bad upbringing????)

I'm also relying on another school fund-raiser for gifts. I bought a bunch of $9 ornaments with Mini Me's artwork plastered all over them for the various aunts and uncles. And, for the grandparents, I spent $19 on two calendars with inserts for more of Mini Me's artwork. The school gets a percentage of all the sales and I get quick-and-easy Christmas gifts. Can't beat that....

Because she did give birth to me, I decided to splurge on my mother this year. She mentioned that she wanted a new deep-fat fryer. This threw me for a loop since my mother needs a deep-fat fryer like she needs a heart attack. But, as my sister points out, it's better just to get her what she wants because she will just go out and buy one herself if I don't. After the hellish half-day of school last week, I stopped at Williams-Sonoma and bought a high-end fryer that's sure to clog even the best of arteries. It was not cheap, but the poor woman was in labor with me for days so I guess she's worth it.

As for Mini Me, I told her Santa could use some help this year so she should circle items she was interested in from the various catalogs we had lying around. After I ruled out the $1,000 ride-on Jeep, the Christmas-blooming bulb planter and the lacy bra-and-panty set from Victoria's Secret that she circled, I headed over to Target this morning. My first stop was the Starbucks counter because I needed my caffeine and something to toss on anyone who got in my way.

Surprisingly, nobody was there to get in my way, though. I don't know where all the other mommies were hanging out, but I had the store to myself. I was able to get everything on my list and even used coupons and a gift card to bring the price down considerably.

Tomorrow, I plan on getting my sister's gift at a kitchen store next to my mechanic, where I'll be taking my car for an oil change. I also have arranged to "draw" my sister-in-law's name since I've already picked out a gift for her as well.

So, the bulk of my Christmas shopping is done. I did not break a sweat doing it -- or break the bank (or even a nail, for that matter).