I've had a number of people ask this question today. To learn the answer, go to
Debtors Anonymous to take the debtors quiz and read about the signs of compulsive debting.In case you're wondering, in my case, I can not have a credit card ever again because I will spend like crazy if I have one. I do have a debit card, but I rarely use it. Instead, I tend to deal strictly in cash and I record every dime I spend. I have to think out every purchase I make and plot out every shopping trip I take so my compulsive debting doesn't kick in. Buying a pair of socks is tantamount to buying a new car for me.
I wasn't always like this. I used to be a pro at the 30-minute power shopping trip.
When I was still doing the high-powered corporate job, I would run to the mall during lunch and in 30 minutes buy a new wardrobe. It was retail therapy at it's finest.
Now, I know if I live that way it will ultimately kill me.
I attend 12-step meetings regularly for my problem. I do not have credit cards; and God willing, never will again. I tend to joke about my "problem" here, but it is a very serious issue in my life. Yet, I refuse to let it define me and I also refuse to live in deprivation.
The difference, though, is that I'm not debting to live my life anymore. Yes, I'm going on vacation -- paid in full with cash. Yes, I shop at Macy's -- with cash only. Yes, I have a maid -- paid with cash twice monthly because frankly it's hard to work two jobs, volunteer 8 hours a week, raise a child and keep a home.
Someone mentioned in a comment that I've dug a big hole but I have a big shovel to use in filling it. This is very true. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say I will be disqualified from any government rebates this spring because of the salary cap. Don't feel sorry for me, though, my bills are paid on time each and every month thanks to the hefty salaries my husband and I make and I'm in no danger of losing my home due to stupid mortgage mistakes.
I know people who have dug bigger holes than I have and have used every dime they had to pay it off and then had something catastrophic happen that left them wishing they had saved a little of their emergency funds to help them get through the rough patches. This is ultimately why I don't pay off my debt with my savings. Also, I'm not joking when I say I don't want to be eating Alpo in my old age.
I think that it's easy for people who are not in my position to think they know what will solve my problems, just like I think I know what will get smokers and alcoholics to give up their "vices." Unless you've been here, you have no idea....
February 6th, 2008 at 05:57 am 1202277445
February 6th, 2008 at 06:12 am 1202278330
Yes, it makes perfect sense not to exhaust your savings to pay off all your debts; we all need a cushion. I fully understand that and it makes sense. I still do not understand why you wouldn't allocate a portion of your savings to some of the consumer debt, but that's just me: I hate paying interest and, in today's climate, a conservative investment will not reliably yield more than 4.9% APY while credit card interest is anywhere from 12 to 26%. So that was my thought about paying off the non student loan debt.
Now a lot of the rest...and I do appreciate your willingness to engage in a dialogue...is just a matter of different lifestyle and values. I would rather live simply and not owe a lot of money; as for compulsive debting, I can also see that where I am coming from is very different than your mindset. For example, it sounds to me that as a compulsive debtor, paying cash is an important part of control; so for you, going on a vacation that you pay cash for is not a luxury nor do you see it as spending money that might be better spent on reducing bills. Now, for me, the distinction between Cash and Credit Cards is not as black and white; whether I am paying for that cruise with cash or VISA, I still know that those funds could have gone to pay down a credit card (or bought a new roof). So, I think, for you, not "debting" is key to your financial plan. And there are many variables that might enable you to pay them off without paying so much interest....but yeah, I see that the "compulsive debtor" is a burden, very similar to something like alcoholism.
Thank you for sharing your financial life.
My last comment is, if you are adding your home equity to your savings balance, then why aren't you adding your mortgage balance to your debts?
Nancy
February 6th, 2008 at 07:03 am 1202281401
February 6th, 2008 at 08:10 am 1202285458
It's true that people won't always understand what you're going through.
I do try to be helpful without saying, "Oh yeah, I know exactly what you're going through." because I hated it when people did that to me when they clearly did not understand. Even if they meant well.
Still, I wish you the very best in battling your demons, as I go wrestle mine.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm 1202302357
Everyday is a battle and just focus one day at a time. I do agree to take care of yourself first to set yourself up for success. Remember even if you have a moment of weakness, it doesn't mean you completely failed. It's what you do after that moment that matters most.
Good luck to you!!! And keep the focus!!!
February 6th, 2008 at 02:07 pm 1202306827
February 6th, 2008 at 03:18 pm 1202311090
Baselle, I spend a lot of time sitting in 12-step meetings listening to people cry and whine about their situation -- just like I cry and whine about mine. I have this blog for fun. I know some of you are more serious about what you post here. I am not. I do not. It's a place for me to make light of my situation. Let's face it, $163,222.81 IS a "GRAND WHOPPIN'" amount of debt! There's no way I'm going to overcome that without a sense of humor so I suggest we all just lighten up a little bit.
February 6th, 2008 at 05:32 pm 1202319145
Let me say that you are amazing and that your attitude is very positive; for me, I would not be able to sleep at night or would file BK if I owed that much money. I think your situation is, for you, manageable and that you have a goal in mind. Keep up your good work!
Nancy
PS Still can't figure out the sidebar thingie but when I dom, you can see my numbers.
February 6th, 2008 at 05:54 pm 1202320483
February 6th, 2008 at 09:50 pm 1202334613
unfortunately, for me, much of my family's well-being comes from the stability that money has provided and that a savings account provides; our health is not only God given but maintained with the use of our health insurance plan (that we pay for) and our prescription plan (ditto); we have a home that is heated and a kitchen filled with food and the ability to use the internet and the TV from our home as well; all of this is due to our financial stability. I understand that you have a very, very different mindset, but I still respect your ability to have a positive attitude and strive to maintain your lifestyle while paying your debts!
Nancy
PS If I may comment further: it doesn't sound to me as though your stepson's educational debt is "your" debt -- that seems to be more like family debt or your husband's debt or however you want to delineate it -- there is a difference between random charging and tuition for a degree that is low interest and hardly a spontaneous, uncontrolled expense!! It's VERY generous of you and your husband to provide his tuition.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:34 pm 1202337283
February 7th, 2008 at 04:36 am 1202358960
February 7th, 2008 at 04:43 am 1202359390
February 7th, 2008 at 07:10 pm 1202411415
I, for one, appreciate the candor so please keep blogging!
February 7th, 2008 at 09:50 pm 1202421049
February 8th, 2008 at 02:47 am 1202438868
But, if you put up public entries on a blog you should expect people to comment on it. And those comments may not always be what you would want to hear.
In other words, I think you are being a tad "touchy?"
That said, "I can kind of see why you don't pay off all of the debt. Is it a reminder of where you've been and what could happen again? I think I can identify with that kind of thinking.
February 8th, 2008 at 03:26 am 1202441198
February 9th, 2008 at 12:14 am 1202516064
February 18th, 2008 at 01:56 am 1203299793